Mental Laziness

I have noticed a phrase that has angered me to my core recently and I haven't been able to pinpoint why. The phrase is simply:

"I am a laid-back person".

The idea of being laid back is something that our culture generally respects and most people admire. I looked in my handy Webster Dictionary and the official definition is "having a relaxed style or character". It seems perfectly reasonable that someone would describe themselves as "laid-back". I had to ask myself the question, if being "laid-back" angers me, then would I find the opposite satisfying? If you were to ask me what the opposite of laid-back is, I would respond that it is being uptight. Now, no one likes someone who is uptight. What does uptight mean according to Webster? "Tense, nervous, uneasy". Well...that doesn't sound like someone that I want to hang out with at all.

After some brief reflection, I decided that the phrase itself doesn't actually bother me. In fact, I actually strive to be more on the laid-back side of the spectrum. What I find abhorrent is the use of the phrase by people who use it as an excuse for being indecisive or taking action. Being relaxed is not synonymous with indecisiveness or being indifferent. I can best articulate this with a recent example from my own experience.

I recently sent an email to a group of women, who I enjoy spending my time with, expressing my interest in redirecting our regular meetings. While the responses were generally positive, there were a few that I received which stated "I am pretty laid-back so I don't have a preference". Initially, I couldn't decide what I didn't like about these responses. I would actually agree with them: they ARE laid-back people. So why does the declaration of that fact aggravate me so deeply?

Well, there are a few reasons. The first, I did not appreciate that the statement of my opinion or my intent was somehow associated with being uptight. I was neither uneasy, nervous or tense. I was completely confident and comfortable with expressing my opinion. However, the argument that they were ultimately making was completely unrelated to my statement of opinion. It was the fact that they were absent of opinion and that this was somehow an indicator of their "laid-back" personality. Now, I have mentioned that I enjoy spending time with these women so my intent is not to bash them at all. I am not taking issue with them , but the cultural pretenses which allow this type of thinking to exist.

Being decisiveness and opinionated should never be demonized nor should it ever be confused with being uptight. It is possible to have a relaxed disposition AND have strong opinions and express those opinions and thoughts.

Likewise, being laid-back should not be used as a substitute for being indifferent. Say you are indifferent if you don't have an opinion--being laid back has absolutely nothing to do with it.