Trimming the Fat

You would think that since I had just freed up at least 45 hours of my life per week, that I would have time do everything. This is was the fantasy that I dreamed about during my last few weeks at work-I would finally have enough time to do everything. My house would stay perfectly clean, I would read all of the books that I had always wanted to read, I would make dinner every night, work-out and in my spare time become an entrepreneur and I would still have time to socialize and keep everyone else happy. What could go wrong?

Well, the first thing that I realized after I left my job was that making it all happen was going to be difficult. But my reason isn’t the conclusion that you’ve jumped to. It isn’t because I don’t know how to prioritize or how to manage my time. It was because I realized how many activities that I participate in that are
superfluous to my values and priorities. I realized how often I made excuses in order to avoid doing things that I didn’t want to do with people that I didn’t want to interact with. You know those conversations. It is that perpetual conversation with a co-worker that you keep promising to go to happy hour with but somehow you never have the time. It is the friend that you keep saying that you should call but somehow never get around to calling. I always made excuses in these situations. “I am just so busy right now; I have been meaning to call you. I promise that I will do it soon”. I found myself in these situations since I left the job and realized that I could no longer fall back on this excuse. It was nerve-racking. These were my friends, right? Why didn’t I want to spend time with them? Am I a horrible person?
What I realized was that I do like these people. But hanging out with people because you think that you should is a horrible way to exist. Now, this is so natural when you have the 9-5 mentality. As an employee, you become the master of killing time and coming with seemingly legitimate reason for doing so. Pointless meetings, unnecessary status updates, mindless emails are common staples in the corporate world. It only makes sense that this mindset would transfer into your social life and interactions. You go to meetings because that is what people in business do and you go for drinks because that is supposed to be how you socialize.

I didn’t realize how closely related my professional actions were tied to my personal life. But immediately after quitting, I started trimming the fat, so to speak, from the rest of my life. I realized that I had developed some horrible habits in how I spent my time and that those habits were going to be hard to break. I was going out to coffee with that girlfriend who, while a nice person, is a complete drain on my energy and my time and I knew that if I didn’t start eliminating these activities from my life, that my new found freedom would be nothing more but a blur of meaningless small talk and cocktails.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I am abandoning all who I care about. This is not a manifesto for “hermit-dom”, nor is it an argument that no one is worth my time. Far from it! The difference is that it is so easy to fall into doing activities just because we think that we “should” do it not because we “want” to do it. I am still laying around in my PJ’s with my husband on Saturday morning—but I want to do it. I am having lunches with my professional contacts and friends—but they are the only the ones that I want to see. I am catching up with friends and family and making sure that I call my grandma—the difference is that I do it when I actually want to and it is much more rewarding.

I am still far from where I want to be. I still find myself playing Spider Solitaire every now and then although not as bad as before. I am still slightly addicted to home decorating shows—I just watch them now only when I am folding the laundry. I still have a hard time saying no to a friend who invites me out and feel slightly guilty for rejecting the invitation. I find myself ready to make excuses and justifications for my actions. I don’t like disappointing people and I know that I am going to lose some friends because of these choices. But if I don’t have the courage to reject a lunch invitation, how can I expect to have the courage to achieve my goals. My time is precious and it is mine to spend and also to deal with the consequences of how I spend it.